FOOD: Ramen Noodles, ala Mr. Coffee

RAMEN NOODLES ALA MISTER COFFEE
By E. Fritzius

NOTE: There's an actual story behind this dish. For a couple of years of my college career, I lived in a house with several roommates. In fact, many of the dishes on this page were battle-tested during that time. When we first moved into the house, we didn't have hot water for a week or so because the roommate who was in charge of getting this taken care of evidently refused to do so because it didn't get done. I don't want to embarrass him by mentioning his name, but it was John "Spanky" Underwood, and his refusal to do anything about the water and gas situation stemmed, presumably, from the fact that he was always over at his girlfriend's house, where there was plenty of running hot water, and not in his own house, where we could remind him about our gas and water problems. But that's another story.

As many of you may know--and if you're a college student you damn well better know--Ramen Noodles are a staple foodstuff among the starving college crowd. For those who've had no experience with Ramen, the noodles themselves come in dried brick form along with a small sealed envelope of flavor dust. They're extraordinarily cheap and usually come in three flavor varieties, chicken, beef and oriental, though apparently if you buy from the Nissen company you can get them in Beef, Picante Beef, Chicken, Cajun Chicken, Chicken Mushroom, Chicken Sesame, Chicken Vegetable, Creamy Chicken, Teriyaki Chicken, Oriental, Chili, Pork, Shrimp and Puppy.

One night, in a fit of hunger, sans hot water, I discovered a new and revolutionary method for heating water in which to cook my Ramen Noodles. As you can guess by the title of this recipe, it involves a Mr. Coffee.

INGREDIENTS:

1 packet of Ramen Noodles, (your choice of flavor, though I suggest the chicken)
1 cup of water.
A Mr. Coffee, (or coffee maker brand of your convenience)

PROCEDURE:

Before opening the packet of Ramen Noodles, I suggest placing it on the counter and giving it a couple of good fist-smashes in order to break up the Ramen brick within. This will in no way damage the flavor dust envelope within, since such a feat would be impossible.

Open the packet of Ramen Noodles. Empty the contents of the Ramen Brick into the decanter of your coffee maker. Now pour one cup of water into your coffee maker's water reception hole. Before turning it on, be certain that you have removed any old coffee grounds from the coffee ground tray. I'm a firm believer in eating nasty foods, but coffee Ramen does not qualify.

Turn your coffee maker into the on position.

Your Ramen Noodles will be submerged in hot water within a couple of minutes. Two minutes after that, they'll have absorbed the necessary amount of water for consumption.

Add the contents of the flavor dust envelope to the noodles and stir.

Ramen Noodles are intended to be used as a soup. For the first few months of eating Ramen Noodles, I never realized this fact. I would put enough water in to soak the noodles and make them pliable, but not enough to create any kind of broth. (Probably because I wasn't following the instructions.) They work just fine that way, though the flavor dust is just too rich for me if not diluted. I compensated by only using half a packet, and would then march around the house complaining loudly that no one in their right mind would ever need that much dust to begin with. Then I saw another of my roommates eating Ramen Noodles as a soup and the world suddenly made sense to me.

There have also been suggested two alternate methods for preparation of Ramen Noodles, neither of which involve actually adding water. A reader named Matt Armstrong suggests the following:

1) Open the package, break off a hunk of the Ramen brick and eat it. It's surprisingly good. If you don't like it, at least finish the package to see if it grows on you.

2) Open the package, break off a hunk of the Ramen brick, pour the provided package of flavor "dust" onto it and then eat it.