FOOD: Gravy Fries

GRAVY FRIES
by E. Fritzius

NOTE: Some people like ketchup with their fries. That guy from SLING BLADE liked mustard with his. I like gravy with mine. And while I do not view this dish as a ketchup substitute, other people often do and become very angry and confused about the issue. As such, this is a dangerous dish to make because of its history of being misunderstood. Of course, if your goal is to piss off such people, by all means fire up the oven.

INGREDIENTS:

Frozen fries
Packet of store-bought gravy dust, your choice of flavor.
A fork
A gravy-safe bowl
A plate

PROCEDURE:

First off, make some fries. I prefer to buy frozen French-fries and bake em in the oven, but you may prefer to actually fry them in actual oil. They are probably much more tasty when fried, but being health conscious and out of oil, I bake em.

Secondly, make gravy. This will involve actually following the directions as printed on your packet of gravy dust. These vary according to the wishes of the gravy dust manufacturers, but generally involve a cup of water being dumped into the gravy dust as the whole thing is heated in some fashion. I prefer wet brown gravy dust with my fries, but you may prefer wet sausage gravy dust or wet chicken gravy dust or what have you.

When both the gravy and fries are prepared, put the gravy into a bowl and your fries onto a plate. Now go and sit in front of the television, being certain to do so during times of high roommate traffic, and eat your fries one by one by forking them, dipping them into the bowl of gravy and inserting them into your mouth. The real trick is to pace yourself so that you can sop up the last bit of your gravy with the very last French fry. This will fill you with the kind of euphoria that only comes from efficient potato/gravy consumption.

As mentioned above, one drawback to gravy fries is the fact that for as yet unexplained reasons certain people in this world utterly cannot fathom the beauty, wholesomeness and natural appeal that accompanies gravy fries. To these people, the only way to eat French fries is to drown them at the bottom of a pool of ketchup. Gravy just does not compute for them, even after you've pointed out the obvious fact that a vast number of people eat mashed potatoes with gravy each and every day, therefore why is it so bloody strange to eat unmashed potatoes with it? The gravy fry defamatist will not hear of such logic and will go out of their way to offer you copious amounts of ketchup in an effort to make you conform to their world view.

Don't do it, man. You're better than that.