UNCLE CHANDLER'S CHEAPASS CHUNKY CHILI
by Uncle Chandler

EDITOR'S NOTE:  Uncle Chandler was yet another college roommate of mine and the owner of a cat called Atilla: The Ever Living, who is mentioned briefly in Mister Herman's Cat Games, (the cat, not Uncle Chandler).  Chandler used to sleep on our couch when in town for National Guard duty and he used to make great heaping vats of this chili, which he would generously share with the rest of us.  Even after we'd eaten our fill, there were usually three or four margarine tubs full of chili left over and these he would store in the house fridge.  After he would leave to go back to his own town, we would descend upon these tubs and devour them on the premise that they would go bad before he next visited for guard drills.  And this might actually have held up in court, had he not returned in a mere four days to find his precious stockpile of chili gone and the house smelling of stale farts.  So we would have to pony up for chili ingredients, he would make heaping vats and the cycle would start anew.

Here's the recipe straight from Uncle Chandler himself...

INGREDIENTS:

• Ground Beef, two pounds (preferably from the bargain bin at Kroger, though not too green if you can manage.)
• Chili Hot Beans, cans, oh three or four
• Manwich Taco Flavor, one can
• Chili Powder, Lots
• Whatever other beans you like (or are on special)

 

Place the ground beef in a skillet on low heat. Cover the skillet.

Go off and play on the computer for a while.

After the meat has browned, try to break up with a spatula. It should come out something like square meatballs. Drain off the superabundance of grease and water. Add chili hot beans, Manwich, other beans and chili powder. Stir.

Go back and play on the computer some more.

Scrape the part that burns back into the mixture and continue to simmer until ready to be consumed. The last time I made this I could not find Taco Manwich so I had to substitute Taco Bell taco seasoning. Hey, if it makes the Taco Bell meat, which is (and I've seen this with my own eyeballs as the boxes lay sweating in the sun after being unloaded from the truck for the fifteen minutes I was in the drive through,) "Grade D, but edible," taste that good, it should work wonders on bargain bin meat. For variety feel free to substitute other meat from the bargain bin but check the packages carefully, souse does not make good chili.

If you happen to work at a food place that does prime rib (like I did at Outback,) there may be a limit to the number of days they can reheat it. After that time, it is tossed or it can be used for chili. Just remember to start cutting the meat into very small chunks because as you get tired of cutting the stuff, the chunks will get bigger and bigger.

--Uncle Chandler