Miscelaneous ByProducts: The I'm Out of School Belch

THE I'M OUT OF SCHOOL BELCH
by E. Fritzius

NOTE: The I'm Out of School Belch is a celebratory ritual representing man's ideal freedom of mind and soul. It should only be employed following an especially difficult semester or post graduation. If executed properly, you could potentially win a development grant from the National Endowment for the Arts. The I'm Out of School Belch has only occurred twice at full intensity.

DISCLAIMER: This belch should only be attempted by experienced power belchers. If you don't know what power belching is then you are most likely not a power belcher. Guidance in this ancient art can only be obtained through years of training under the tutorial hand of a guru of no less than the 4th Plane of Belchitsu. It is a powerful and potentially deadly force which mankind may not yet be ready for. ("My belch is a killing belch...") I am in no way responsible for accidental decapitations caused through the misuse of this method.

INGREDIENTS

1 can of generic ginger ale
Half a tube of sour cream and onion Pringles
Your upper gastro-intestinal tract
A kevlar vest
Witnesses

PROCEDURE

Step 1: Consult local ordinances concerning loud noises and explosions.

Step 2: Consume at least half of the contents of your tube of sour cream and onion Pringles.

Step 3: Drink the entire can of generic ginger ale.

Step 4: Wait.

TROUBLESHOOTING

It may be helpful to be inside a car, as the two past occurrences of the I'm out of school belch have occurred within moving vehicles.

Premature belching is a problem that affects 20 percent of all males between the ages of 22 and 50, so don't force it.

Keep your back straight, lift with your legs. Allow the belch to do the work for you. When it is ready, you will know.